Friday, October 12, 2012

After the monkey soap

The monkey soap was cute. The next day, she used some watercolors and painted herself in the time it took me to unload the dishwasher. Apparently, when one paints their palms, arm, and mouth, they become a dinosaur. RAWR!

Again, with the cuteness.

But then, the next day at bed time, she decided that the vaporub would do a better job if it was smeared all over the wall.

At "nap time" the day after, she decided that her horsey was hungry and the only way to feed it was to squeeze an entire tube of toothpaste onto the floor and rub it in. And also, she was hungry so she sucked the rest of her (fluoride free!) toothpaste out of the tube. Saturday it was more vaporub (where is she getting this stuff?!) and Sunday it was fingernail polish (I caught that one before it got too out of hand. Although, she did get her big toes painted before I interrupted).

Danny and I were both a little surprised at how she was able to procure such messy substances - we thought we were putting them out of her reach.

At this point, I know you're all, Tiffany, clearly she is dropping her nap and putting her upstairs where there are messy things is not an option. Realize this and suck it up. Listen, I KNOW. But that doesn't change the fact that even if she isn't sleeping I need at least 30 Ava-free minutes a day to frolic or pluck my eyebrows or, heaven forbid, eat an entire York Peppermint Patty by MASELF. I explained to her over and over that she just needed some quiet time. "You don't have to nap if you don't want to. Just play quietly for a little while."

I decided that we needed those doorknob thingies. You know? Those plastic things you put over doorknobs to make it impossible for kids (and most adults) to escape that particular room? Yeah. First thing on Monday morning, we went to the store and bought them. I was so excited to have some peace. It is hard, on everyone involved, to go from 2-3 hours of nap time to no nap at all in a matter of a couple weeks.

I slapped those suckers on the inside of her room and the outside of the bathroom and my bedroom.

45 minutes later she stood at the top of the stairs and asked, "Mommy? I come down now?"

Wha? How? "Yeah! Come down!"

Her face was covered in glitter and blue eye shadow and lipstick. HO LEE. HEAD FOR THE HILLS, KID!!! RUN!!!! And run she did. Smart girl.

Crap. All. Over. Ma bedroom. Our bedding and matress was soaked, just makeup everywhere, and the doorknob covers were in two pieces, strewn about the room. The craziest part about all of this was that I had been intently listening for mutinous noises and I didn't hear any. She is a sneaky little monkey.

Many tears and phone calls, a quick roadtrip, and a bout with a virus later, I realized that my kid is bored. She is so bored. She is done napping and she needs more! Stimulation!

So. That's what she's going to get. Mommyschool. Annnnnd I'm sooooooo excited about it. And so are all the surfaces in my upstairs rooms.


  1. oh my goodness. how did she get out of those white things?! that is incredible. you should make them take those back. she probably DOES need more stimulation. that is just unbelievable. i knew Minnie needed more stimulation when she was frequently throwing tantrums and being naughty to get my attention...but Minnie is not very good at being sneaky. defiant, yes...sneaky, no. i am impressed at your ability to not kill your child, because I don't even know what I would do if Minnie coated surfaces like that props to you, woman. (and watch out after you teach her to cut and paste...!)

  2. Sounds like you have a firecracker on your hands! Good luck. You're a great momma.