I am planning a delicious Christmas Day dinner - probably the yummiest brisket known to man. I want it to be like, reeeeeeally good. So I am following every.single.instruction and ingredient to the T (it's quite involved). The recipe calls for a dry, red wine. Usually when a recipe calls for wine I use grape juice but this time I am using real red wine.
So I was at the grocery store, perusing the wine selection, wishing they had a section entitled "cooking wine for the devout and unlearned". I was too proud to ask the couple making a vodka selection for help but I could not figure out what wine to get. Is a sweet wine also dry? How come the only obvious dry wines were champagne? What's the difference between a merlot and a pinot noir? I needed someone to google these questions for me so that I could make an informed decision. Also, it had been like 7 minutes in the wine aisle and I'm pretty sure I was starting to look suspicious. So I did what anyone in my situation would do - I called my 17 year old (and also devout) sister for advice on wine. Listen. It seemed completely normal at the time. She was sure to be by her phone and therefore a computer because her phone basically is a computer because that's how 17 year olds roll these days.
So I called Shannon. My father picked up. He, apparently, was the one by Shannon's phone, not Shannon. So I started telling him about the situation and my father asked how Shannon would know anything about wine. Yeeeeeah. Good thing Shannon doesn't secretly sip booze, otherwise this would have totally given her away and I would be the "WORST SISTER EVER I HATE YOU!!!!" We started laughing pretty hard, my father out of the absurdity of the situation and me, out of embarrassment. "I just wanted her to google it. Can't you google it for me?"
And that's how I got advice about my alcohol selection from a former Mormon Bishop. Heh heh.